Monday, September 19, 2011

Post Rapture Pet Rescue vs. Rick Perry

Bactrian(An Atheist): I despise Rick Perry because he is a Christian and I have developed a list of questions which have been submitted to Rick Perry through his site. 

Ary (Christian Preacher):  Do you expect answers to your questions?

Bactrian: Not really, but it feeds my ego to do things like this.

Ary: How about an example of one of the questions.

Bactrian:  The first one was; “As a pet owning, Pre-Tribulation Rapture believing Christian, have you made arrangements for the care of your pets in the event the Rapture occurs in their lifetime? If not, why do you condemn your pets to a slow and hideously agonizing death by thirst or starvation?”

Ary:  I think you just embarrassed yourself, not Gov. Perry.

Bactrian: And you’re a jerk.  Ok Fundie, how did I embarrass myself?

Ary:  I have seen some businesses set up to contract to care for pets after the rapture.  Some charge for the service, some don’t but they aren’t necessary and wouldn’t work anyway.

Bactrian: That’s the problem with you Xtians, you’re deluded and stupid.

Ary:  Perhaps but hear me out.  In the wake of Hurricane Katrina it was discovered that many people refused to evacuate because they could not take pets to shelters.  This increased the death toll and complicated rescue efforts in the wake of the storm.  As a result, the Federal Government passed H. R. 3858 which amended the Robert T. Stafford Disaster Relief and Emergency Assistance Act.  The Bill begins:

Section 1, Short Title. This Act may be cited as the “Pets Evacuation and Transportation Standards Act of 2006” PETS for short.  It provides for plans for shelters which will take pets, and for the rescue of pets in the wake of a disaster. 

Pets Evacuation and Transportation Act

Bactrian:  You think the government is going to do it right?

Ary: I think they have a better chance than the rescue businesses do.  Think about it.  Suppose tens of millions of Americans suddenly vanish.  It is likely that the government will declare Marshall law, impose a curfew and secure neighborhoods with armed guards to prevent looting.  Into this mix a pet rescuer shows up wanting to enter one of the abandoned houses.  I submit that they will not be allowed to do so.

Bactrian:  But the rescuer has a contract giving permission.

Ary: The rescuer has a piece of paper printed from a computer.  Not very convincing. And, the guards aren’t going to have time to deal with the rescuers.

Bactrian:  They don’t have to do anything except let the rescuer pass. 

Ary: Really, how will they know the rescuer only gets the pet and doesn’t take anything else?  The only way to know is to enter the home with the rescuer.  Sorry, but the private plans are not going to work.  They are a waste of time.

Bactrian: (thinking hard of a defense, then frustrated) You have no idea what you’re talking about.

Ary:  (shrugs) maybe, any more questions?

Bactrian: You are totally unreasonable.  I can’t have an intelligent conversation with you and will refuse to listen to you from now on.

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets USA

(Note:  If you have a pet, you should plan ahead for an emergency.  Leave a list of your pets on the refrigerator door.  The list should have the name/s animal type/s and a description.  It should also show the animal's health record, vaccinations and medications currently being taken.  This is just common sense whether there is a rapture or not.  Plan for your pets. )

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